Week 15

After walking past Somersby Falls on the next day, I was still experiencing an emotional low. The reality of that situation for me was confronting…. when it was no longer things that I could change, or I could control, I recognised that this was a depressive low. It wasn’t environmental, it wasn’t Sydney, it wasn’t the city or other influencing factors. I, Bailey Seamer, was having another bipolar low! I was gutted because I really thought that if I tried hard enough and was doing something consistently every day to manage my bipolar, I could kick that low! Unfortunately, it was another learning curve being, that it doesn’t matter what I do, I will always have a chronic mental illness to manage….. it was another experience of acceptance, and that’s OK, but it is what it is, and knowing this reality, I just wanted to be home……… Home is the place where, when I’m mentally unwell, I feel the safest, and the most secure because of the familiar environment, and the people that are there, loving and caring for me. I thought to myself…. I’m Done! …… I’m going to see how far I can walk from here to get there.………. I’m going to do my classic run away from myself!……… I’m so close to home, and yet I’m still so far, and I just wanted to be there! ……. So, I threw it out on my Instagram, to let someone pick my kilometres for the day, and I thought I would try to match it. Somebody picked 66kms. I thought……. you know what? …… I’m going to give it a go! FYI……….. I didn’t quite make the 66, but I did smash 51kms!! I was on a mission and walked roads, tracks, and next to some train lines to get to my home in Caves Beach. I reached as far as Budgewoi on this 51km day of walking. It was a huge day for me that finished in the dark around 7 pm. The massive day didn’t fix it but when I have a bad mental episode, I just want to sleep. I’m just mentally and emotionally exhausted during a depressive low and want the feeling of fatigue and feeling a little sedated. That’s what a big day of walking does to me! I don’t necessarily feel happy or calm after it, I just feel more settled within myself as if I have burnt off the negative energy. I can’t feel sad or depressed because I literally have walked to the point of exhaustion where I have no energy to “be” anything. I don’t know whether that is a good or a bad thing, but that’s what a big day of hiking does for me. It puts me into a zen state where I don’t feel happy or sad and that’s how I believe the therapeutic effects of hiking works for me.

The next day I did a smaller section from Budgewoi to Catherine Hill Bay edging my way ever closer to home and then my beautiful mother Fiona joined me at Catherine Hill Bay for my 10km walk to my hometown of Caves Beach. Credit to her dedication toward her walking training just so she can join me when the opportunities arise on sections of my east coast walk. Not just keep up but enjoy the experience as well. It’s been really special to have her join me and share parts of my journey!

I was met by an incredibly beautiful and encouraging “Welcome home… Congratulations Bailey” sign on the noticeboard of our local surf life-saving club. This was such an unexpected surprise, so thoughtful and so appreciated to be welcomed home and recognised by my local community. It was incredibly special!!

Thanks a million to current CBSLSC President Max Host and previous President and family friend Brett Main for organising the sign and providing the venue as a charitable gesture for a family, friends, and community gathering in support of the Wandering Minds Walk and The Black Dog Institute. <3