Week 11

From Nowra, I headed into the gorgeous country town of Berry an absolutely adorable location and I caught up with a gentleman named Bob. He is a Black Dog Institute Volunteer from lived experience that he has had, he goes out to the communities and does public speaking and motivational speaking. He bought me breakfast and a coffee at Berry and had a chat. He is another fantastic human that I had the privilege and opportunity to meet.

It was a truly interesting experience chatting to Bob because I have felt a lot during this journey where people reach out to me either for guidance or whatever, and I have to explain to them that I’m not trained in anything or know necessarily how to help them other than being completely honest about my lived experience and my own perseverance with it. That’s what I feel like I can really give to people, but I still sometimes struggle, because I’m quite an empathic person. When they tell me their stories (which I’m so humbled by and happy that they do) which is the whole point of the walk is starting those conversations and creating that comfortability around them, it sometimes does weigh on you. I do tend to take it on board a bit. Talking to Bob gave me a space where I could talk to this other individual who has spent the past decade or so, doing a similar sort of thing, where he wants to help people in the mental health movement, and he obviously goes to towns and talks to people so there are similarities in that. It was so nice to get this perspective from someone that could give me some tools in my toolkit, to manage myself during my journey, when I am sharing people’s stories with them. His experience and insight was very helpful. He may not realise how helpful it was either but it was. He was a gorgeous, gorgeous person.

From Berry, I headed into Gerringong and Oh My Goodness!! …… I did not know there was a possibility of actually having a farm on the beach. But, these coastal farmlands are the most exquisite things, I think I have ever seen. You have got this emerald green grass, gorgeous cattle everywhere and it’s like, literally on the beach. There are these huge farms all along the coast and Gerringong the town itself is absolutely stunning. I definitely fell in love with Gerringong as I was walking through.

I stayed with some locals, Geoff and Lisa Shepphard. They had just opened up their own little store “Norfolk Homewares” where they arranged for me to meet up with them because they were waiting for a parcel. It was stunning to talk to them in their shop, as they were really really lovely people. They welcomed me into their home (they have an Airbnb in their house) and we chatted for hours and hours, they cooked me a beautiful dinner. They were just so genuine. Geoff is an incredible photographer and his images of nature and the Kiama region, complement the homewares that Lisa organises in the shop which is a really beautiful setup. Their kindness was amazing.

In Gerringong, I was invited to join in on a morning session at a surf school by the owner “Rusty” who is a wonderful man and probably bleeds salt, because you get the vibes he’s spent his whole life in the ocean. He has set up the mental health surf school for veterans and is a massive advocate for getting people out in the surf, believing it to be a real catalyst and pivotal for mental health recovery and management.

I wholeheartedly agree that there is a lot of merit in being emersed in nature as one of the best places to manage mental health, wellness, and recovery. Rusty was absolutely gorgeous in letting me go for a surf with his group. I went along and looked like an absolute lunatic because I have sketchy balance on land let alone on a surfboard in the water. Because I had been struggling mentally for a while around that time, I experienced what he is promoting with his surf school. The day I spent out in the surf and the sun, problem-solving trying to get up on the board, having the euphoric feeling when I eventually stood up, falling off and having a good laugh at myself, socialising and connecting, it was freezing but it was wonderful!! The group was amazing and there were half a dozen people in the group that were currently staying in a psychiatric treatment facility and at the level of care that they could sign themselves out to partake in the surf school. I thought what an incredible resource to be able to access whilst someone is an inpatient in a support facility like that. I’ve laid in a psychiatric hospital, not that I care to admit it, but I have, and even though we have our own experiences around that, I know what it’s like to an extent from my own perspective and that it is pretty f*#king difficult. To have access to that resource while you are in a place like that not just when you get out is amazing. Cudos to them. I think they are considering expanding into doing surf camps as the next progression for them which is fabulous. I love the area down there so would be keen to return in the future sometime when I have completed my walk.

The interesting thing is, I never really know, who I am meeting, and what their story is to an extent when people reach out to me by email or text to meet up with them. I was contacted however by a beautiful man by email, who had told me his 18year old son had passed away from suicide two years prior and he wanted me to catch up with him when I passed through Gerringong. We met up for lunch and a beer and got into a deeply personal conversation talking about his son who was 18 years old, from a loving and supportive family, and who had hung himself. That family will live with that forever unanswered question…. “what more could I have done?” which is something this gorgeous man had expressed. It was pretty rough to hear about it because it did hit very close to home because I have been in both places (not that I have children) but where I have had a loved one that I am concerned about, but I have also been the concerning loved one!

What is so hard is that you can see that the devastation is just under the surface. These individuals (especially parents that lose their children) function, but are kind of like a ghost version of themselves. There’ll always be this trauma half-life they live because when people die from suicide, they take a piece of their loved ones with them. It was hard to see his pain. He understandably had a tear when he was talking about his beloved son. But he, his wife, and other son have drawn strength from their personal trauma in taking such a horrific situation and trying to help others by doing a lot of proactive stuff, including some fundraising golf tournaments for suicide awareness which is a credit to them as a family. They were fantastic and beautiful to meet as well. I was very grateful for their hospitality and kindness, and as much as it was one of those hard conversations it is always a bit of a sobering reminder of why I am doing what I doing.

The next destination that I headed towards was Kiama

Kiama Blowhole

In Kiama, a 70-year-old woman reached out to me and invited me to stay at her farm at Kiama Heights. Her husband is a well-known and respected food photographer and she is a magnificent cook (Btw… her omelette was the best omelette I’ve ever eaten and I’m a breakfast girl!!). OMG! ….. If I had stayed there for a couple of days I would have rolled out of her place and very merrily because the food was so good I would have been like “I don’t care if I end up morbidly obese, just put your heavenly food in my mouth!” We stayed in a little cottage that she has on this giant farm which is incredible and the aspect and outlook are simply stunning.

This wonderful lady also has Bi-Polar and she has her own mental health journey along with some remarkable stories! She is a very interesting woman and exceptionally bright. I met her daughter and grandson who live on the farm with her in a different house. They really gave me the full family experience, took me in, gave me wine, fed me food, and provided that wholesome warm family experience that I hadn’t felt for a long time since I had started my walk. It was glorious! She tragically had also lost someone very close to her to suicide about 18 months prior. And again, it’s not sadness when they came up in conversation. It’s this deep soul-less gaze where you can see the pain circulating which is so heart-wrenching to see in people. What I am commonly finding though, is that a lot of people are wanting the opportunity to talk lovingly about their loved ones that have passed. Even though I acknowledge that I am NOT a counselor, I feel like I do give a little bit of comfort by asking questions with sincerity like “what was your proudest moment?” or “what was the last holiday you guys went on?”, “what was their passion?” “what were they good at?”, “what were some of the things that they used to do that would piss you off?”. I have found that just by giving them the opportunity to talk about and remember their loved ones and not focus on the suicide, and by asking those types of questions, the floodgates open up and you can see a shift in their demeanor and a slight change in energy. The soul-less gaze turns into a half-smile and they go somewhere else whilst they are momentarily living through those memories remembering their loved one in a positive way. Even if it’s only a few seconds of respite from the purgatory of their half-life, I guess it’s better than nothing, I suppose?

Walking from Kiama Heights to Wollongong was definitely eye-opening, I guess you could say. The increased urbanisation with every step that I took towards Wollongong, definitely increased my anxiety a little. So much noise pollution, cars, buildings, and infrastructure, it was quite overwhelming considering the small towns and bushlands I’d been traveling through for the past couple of months.

When I was in Wollongong I stayed with a best mate of mine called Darcy. We go way back, but he was currently living in a share-house in Thirroul and I spent my days making my way through Wollongong and I was lucky enough to have been reached out to by Brad, a gorgeous Wollongong local and mental health advocate. He created a banner and organised a “welcome to Wollongong meeting place” for me to meet his beautiful assistance dog Shadow, and also a couple of journalists, and the Lord Mayor he had arranged for me to meet. We had a special morning and it was so lovely having the privilege to chat with Brad and his support and listen to his own life experience which was quite remarkable as well. Shadow his assistance Border Collie cross labrador was just absolutely gorgeous in temperament.